**I Heart CAPO!!!**

There's a band named Capo, and I looovvveeee their songs, the rhythm, the lyrics and Bog's voice (vocalists), gaadd you'll definitely fall for their music!!! And I'm planning to haunt this group and be a stalker to all of their gigs. haha I'm a Capoholic na!!!

Sobrang ouch yung mga music, especially yung song na "Lakad lang", "Kantarilya", "Goodbye" and "Dati Rati" , pakinggan niyo at inyong husgahan. Thanks!

to listen to their music click here!

I Lost a Dear Friend =(

Noong sinabi mong ikaw ay lalayo upang hanapin ang sarili. . . parang may konting kurot ang nadama ko. . . I feel bad . . . I feel bad . . . Cause I don't know how will I help you . . . I feel bad really, to lose someone dearly, but I know you need space to move on. . You need to find yourself. . .Just remember, I'm just a text away . . . I will miss all our crazy moments, our crying moments and the way we bitch around. . . I will miss you, my sister from another mother . . .

-pots fabulous

Another problem to solve

*I feel down and oblivious with all the effort I made which I think it was non-sense for others. . and I don't know where to find inspiration to keep going despite of all issues hanging around. sometimes you wanted to escape so I may protect myself from hurting.. but I know I have to face this harsh reality that I blatantly does not belong here, no matter what I proved to them.. what am I saying?? really, I feel down.. gaadd..*

Proud to say: My Father is a Rock Star!!

Last Saturday, November 10, 2007; my mother was interviewed via phone patch in DZRJ-am station. It was a 45 minutes interview about my dad.

Yeah, they talk about again my dad’s band Maria Cafra; the famous Maria Cafra during the 70’s. Hearing all the stories from how they became famous in the music industry, and until the tragic death of my Dad, made me feel very sad and still longing for his fatherly love. And I started missing him again; his lambing when he wants coffee, the way he called my nickname (potchi! Chi! Popot!), his songs, his humor, his silence when I commit mistake because of my stubbornness, the way he spoils me and he even gives everything I want.

Ohh! You just don’t know how much I miss him! *sob*

All we need is LOVE

“Give a little love, and it all comes back to you”

After hearing the preaching from Pastor Ray An Fuentes, the commercial of Coke keeps on playing on my mind. “Give a little love and it all comes back to you”. Nowadays, people are so busy making money and isolating themselves to the world in order to fend the needs of their family. They are too pre-occupied of lots of problems, worries and bills to pay. And they are too busy keeping-up with this very fast pace of life.

Does it come a time that you give yourself a break or a kitkat? To look at the cold world you live in? Do you take time to reach out for your friends and family, just to know that they are doing well? Come to take a look at some people around you, they are too serious from thinking or dwelling all their worries, concerns and problems. Or are we like them who are selfish enough to not seeing what the world needs? As what Pastor Ray An Fuentes said to his preaching, we should take time to love others, help them and be sensitive enough to their needs, and let them know that Jesus is the Son of God, who died for our sin and God has a great plan for each and everyone of us, so we should believe and be hopeful with his promise.

To read more, clickhere!

A Song for Danery

End of the Line
by Honeyz

All alone I wait for you,
As darkness fills this room,
I dont know why you aint called.
Little things you used to do,
They're no longer part of you,
Seems you left them all behind.
Well, I cant believe what Im going through,
This thing, it just aint right.
Your selfish ways,
How you carry on,
Some things you just cant hide.

(if you want me to go)
Then say it,
(want me to stay)
Then show it,
(dont be afraid, ooh)
Oh dont break this heart of mine,
Nows the time if Im right,
Then weve come to the end of the line.

So say it
(want me to stay)
Then show it
(dont be afraid)
Oh, dont break this heart of mine
Nows the time, if Im right
Then weve come to the end of the line
Ohh, oh yeah.

Seems like I cant do you right,
All I do or say is wrong,
All the smallest things criticised.
I deserve some damn respect,
Nothing more and nothing less,
Dont pretend everythings fine.
(ooh) dont hold it back,
If its in your heart,
Stand up and be a man,
(ooh) cant read your mind,
So Ill just say it loud,
Im trying to understand.

(if you want me to go)
Then say it,
(want me to stay)
Then show it,
(dont be afraid, ooh)
Oh dont break this heart of mine,
Nows the time if Im right,
Then weve come to the end of the line.

So say it
(want me to stay)
Then show it
(dont be afraid)
Oh, dont break this heart of mine
Nows the time, if Im right
Then weve come to the end of the line.

Even though youve doing me wrong
I still care,
Do you think that by treating me cruel
That somehow Ill disappear?
(ooh) baby I love you too much just to walk away.
(ooh) dont make me hate you,
Baby youve got to be straight (aah).

(if you want me to go)
Then say it
(want me to stay)
Dont be afraid, baby, show it
(dont be afraid)
Dont be afraid, oh, dont break this heart of mine
Nows the time, if Im right
Then weve come to the end of the line
Ooh
(want me to stay)
Oh baby, show it
(dont be afraid)
Dont be afraid, oh, dont break this heart of mine
Nows the time, if Im right
Then weve come to the end of the line
(come to the end of the line)
Ooh
Weve come to the end of the line
(come to the end of the line)
Oh, baby
Weve come to the end of the line
(come to the end of the line)
Weve come to the end of the line
(come to the end of the line)
(come to the end of the line)
Ohh, ahh
(come to the end of the line)
Oh, the end of the line
(come to the end of the line)

It's Finally OVER!!

I am so freaking pissed. Pissed on Danery; the way he sees things and the way he believes other more than me. Pissed on other people and pissed on this kind of situation. All of the excitement and encouragement I wrote from my previous entry, every expectations were fucked up.

Even before his birthday, I really want to talk to him, to talk to him about where this relationship will go. Because I can't pretend any longer to be his friend and trying to show people that we are okay, even in reality we are hell not okay! Lagi na lng kami nagaaway, binabalik lahat ng nakaraan, yelling with each other and even the blaming scenario stuffs. And really is so unhealthy na. If he already forgives me, why he still remember everything that happened before the break-up?

So I have decided to talk to him, clear things, and ask him to work-out our relationship. And if it so impossible to do it, the best thing I can do is leave him and forget everything and move on. I will forget and believe myself that our love did not existed at all.

But when we finally talk, and that was yesterday, in front of the coffee shop where he used to work. As if we could settle things by the road. the heck. Ayun. I imagine pa naman, a matured, calm conversation but it turned out yelling with each other and blaming on stuff that disappoint us. There are some petty issues from his birthday na ginawang big deal ng iba, until dumami at kung anong assumptions ang lumabas. And as I understand with our fight na "ako ang may kasalanan" at mas pinaniniwalaan niya ang mga "super" friends niya. yeah right! People's analysis sometimes is so babaw!and ayokong pumatol sa mga mababaw na tao.

The petty wrong accusations:
1) I called that "girl" that KIRI daw pokpok and nagpaparinig na "yuck" - My comment! haha! isipin mo na ang gusto mong isipin! Eh never ko nga siyang pansinin. I am too transparent, hndi ko maatim na tignan nga siya, pansinin pa kaya. That time (dan's birthday) Pat and I were talking about guys we met. And there are so many kapokpokan that pat did. So i've been calling her "pokpok" and even before, pokpok tlga tawag ko kay pat. Maybe that KIRi girl felt that she's pokpok kaya feeling niya siya sinasabihan ko. And the yuck thing is just an expression we both (Pat) have. Napagusapan lang namin si KIRI, nung tinanong ni ate kung sino yung babae. edi sinabi ko.yung nakapula".. ayun.. sabi ni ate "ano ba yan! mukhang bakla!" bwahahaha! =D peace!

2) I exchanged seats daw para tapatan si babalina. huh? well marco have something to do with this. He texted me na magpalit kami ni Pat, kasi na O-O.P si ate, so I did, with out thinking na may masasabi pla ang iba. which I unmaliciously did. tsk tsk. adiiikkk!!!! paranoid!!!

3) I cried daw. okaaaayyyyy... well I didn't cry. naasar ako kay ken at ate kasi pa suspense effect pa sila sa nakita nila. so I talked to them outside. and sabi, wala naman daw. so fine. I returned to my seats.
4) I said "goodbye and have a nice day! sweet dreams" kay KIRI nung umalis siya.. well well well THAT'S TRUE!!! bwahahahaha!!! and so??? what the fuck is wrong with that?? hehe ewan.. nakakatawa talaga. *iling iling*

Everything that happened on his birthday, I tried to understand him, yes, I got pissed on the latter part of his day, but after that, when I was in Ate's dorm, I didn't sleep but think and analyzed all the scenes that happened that night. And realized that it is okay, "everybody were drunk" kaya ganun nangyari.

But madami lumabas na issue. And hndi ko alam kung ano totoo. But I said to myself, there are more important things to discuss with Dan than that issue. Pero when we finally talked which was yesterday. He thought na yun ang paguusapan namin. he openned that issue and woala! endless argument, frustrations and hurt. swear!!!

after that talk, I realized na GAADD POTS, TUMIGIL KA NAAAA!!! ang tanga tanga mo na!! Obviously, dan is not the kind of guy para makipagbakbakan ako and it's not my kind na pumatol sa ibang tao na hindi ko naman ka level. sorry to say sa mga taong natamaan. I don't deserve every situation that is happening to us. I felt stupid and dumb. Running after a guy who doesn't know my worth. Who is taking me for granted, but still accepting it kasi ako nagkamali kung bakit kami nagbreak. Pero enough na yung ginawa ko para pagbayaran ang "petty" na kasalanan ko. Kung tignan niya ako parang tinwo time ko siya, sa bigat ng kasalanan ko. I don't want to stay on this kind of relationship. yung unti unting nawawala ang respeto ko sa sarili and nawawala yung self esteem ko. You know what, everytime I am with him, feeling ko ang tanga tanga ko, natatakot ako magkamali dahil baka magalit siya. See? I am always thinking about his welfare. And MALI, maling mali ang choice na magpakatonta sa isang lalaki. So titigil na ako. PAGOD na ako. Ayoko na magstay sa isang guy na lagi iniisip na nagsisinungaling ako. Sa isang guy na never makinig sa sinasabi ko. Sa isang guy na hindi man lang niya maramdaman kung may problema ako. Sa isang guy na saksakan ng insensitive. Sa isang guy na hindi ako pinapahalagahan. I sacrificed a lot but he never care to see it because of his dumb pride.

Nung una, I thought, because of what have happened, we two needs space, masyado ng masikip ang lahat.. the more we do not learn to forgive each other, or forgive and forget the past, things will be very complicated. So for now, I will leave, have my peace of mind, and protect myself from another heartbreak.

Some said, give ourselves a space... but I think I will not give him space, instead I will leave him na. Tama na! Sobra na! Nakakasuka na!

So much for loving him.. I did my part.. I already proved to him how much i love him.. I'm really tired..

Tutal, there are so many fishes in the ocean, I might catch a better one. I am still young and fresh, I can find a true Man that will be gentleman enough to stand by my side, who will fight for me no matter what, who will effortly know and love my family not detest them, who will accept of who I am, who understand on my PMS and who will love me even if everybody didn't. who will be there through times of joy, success and most especially during my down moments or my frustration, who will encourage me to stand-up and have faith in God. I know it is so possible to find that kind of guy.

I'm sorry Dan, but I will leave you na, go on, continue your selfishness, enjoy, but I am telling you, you will never find another woman like me. I'm not conceited, I am just telling the truth. Makakahanap ka man, lesser than what and who I am. i know you know what I am saying.

We will talk later: There's a Rainbow Always after the Rain

I believe that the rainbow will soon shine into my life after a heart break. Today is our judgment day; we will talk later, and decide whether we'll work out our relationship or end it. Sounds interesting or I may say nervous? Maybe for once, we should decide and go out in the grey shadow. We or I am staying in grey shadow for almost 7 months and it is not emotionally healthy at all. And maybe this will be the right time to end this and move on. I'm tired being on the uncertainties. I don't deserve this actually, so I should "maybe" (it depends on what will come out with our talk later) move on, close the door and have my own life. I will start all over again, with or with out him. I should start building my own self and take back the life that I have before I met him. Yes, this is a big sacrifice, but I think I had enough. I already proved to him my love, i patiently swallow all the thing he has done to me after our break-up. So I think it is time for me to move on. As the song Big girls don't cry goes: "The path i am walking, I must go alone, I must take the baby step till I'm full grown. Fairy Tales don't always have a happy ending do they? And I FORSEE THE DARK ahead if I stay".
I know that God will always be here for me, maybe after our conversation, I might cry or bawl in hurt and sadness, but I know God will give me enough strength to carry through. . . Whatever our decision will be. . . I know myself that I am ready to face everything..

I'm going to lay all the cards... I'll bet it all.. I will gamble this love once I believe it will last but lost.
All I want for now, is myself and my dignity.

I'm READY

MONDAY: My hatest day!

Dear Sara,
Here is your single's love horoscope
for Monday, November 5:

You're working, you're emailing, you're paying the bills online, but are you taking time for yourself? Step away from the office and take a long lunch today. Don't worry -- the boss won't miss you. Besides, you deserve it. (tamang tama ang horoscope ko!)


Monday is my hatest day, you know why? Because I am doing only one thing for the whole damn day! I'm tired erasing every e-mails for every error. i put so much effort with one task. (sakit ng mata ko), obviously I am not yet done with it, I only had time to write here because the mails are still on the process of sending.. I really hate monday! I have to find a way on how to prevent the errors on every subscriber's e-mails. Really, it's killing my time! If I could erase all the errors permanently! but I just can't do it, they are important! most especially our clients.. Gadddd... I feel dizzy.. I'm not doing anything but to focus on the mailing list thing. arg!

I haven't take my lunch yet, because I don't have time for it. But I will surely eat as soon I finished sending mails. malapit na.. malapit na.. malapit na... 3 mails and I'm out!

-pots