Just a thought

A pathetic thought...

Minsan naiisip ko, yung indie film lang ba yung ayaw mo or ako ang ayaw mo makasama? =(

spend time. make time. find time.

Indie

The Cinemalaya, the event which promotes independent film, has started last Friday. It has eleven entries, nine full length independent films and two short stories. I missed the opening yesterday, it totally slipped from my mind -- maybe because I was too excited to see my guy that time, which turned into another disappointment.

So far, I only seen one film, the Donor, and i have 10 more to go before it ends next week.

Medyo hindi ko feel yung movie, dahil una, yung title na donor hindi nirepresent yung movie as a whole, the movie is not about donating or whatever, although nag-donate siya ng kidney, pero hindi umiikot yung story sa pag-dodonate. something like that.

Okay yung mga artista, may mga scene na nakakatawa, may script na funny, at may dull moments din - pero pamatay ang ending. doon bumawi ang direktor. nakakapang-hina ng laman.

The way i see it, parang yung story is like a struggle ng bawat mahihirap sa Pilipinas na tipong sumusugal ka to the point na pumapasok ka sa mga illegal na bagay maka survive lang. The typical set-up na, babae - nagsisipag magtrabaho bilang pirated DVD vendors, may ka-leave-in na walang trabaho, ginagamit ang pera ng babae para sa pang-inom, malibog, tamad, sunog-baga, walang pangarap kung hindi tumunganga. Then nagka-struggle - na-raid yung store, then nag balak mag abroad, malaki placement fee, kaya nag donate ng kidney.. mga ganon lang.. linear yung story line, kaya medyo petiks.

Oh well, excited na ako bukas, to watch other films, since ayaw ni boyfriend ng mga indie-films (hay) i'm gonna watch it with my friends.

Feeling ko din, parang indie-film ang buhay ko -- kakaiba, nakakaloka, minsan masaya minsan malabo, minsan single, minsan double, minsan iiyak tapos naman tatawa. ewan ko, i feel confuse over something lately, but i don't want to dwell on it and make some fuss about it, chaka pagod na din ako magisip, hinahayaan ko na lang yung panahon sumagot para sa akin. Go with the flow na lang at mag enjoy. GAAAAA.

"Love cannot endure indifference. It needs to be wanted. Like a lamp, it needs to be fed out of the oil of another's heart, or its flame burns low" ~ Henry Ward Beecher

Mr. LABO

You are soooo LABO. You're making me sing Katty Perry's song, Hot n Cold tuloy.

Are guys sometimes malabo? I thought kami lang mga girls. Or maybe they haven't yet learned the art of being honest or being open with their partners. Anyway, idadaan ko na lang ito sa lamon.

Fabulous.

"Inconsistency is the only thing in which men are consistent" - Horace Smith

Autistic Couple

WEIRD COUPLE? --> That's us.

I know we are and I'm proud about it. Pero syempre hindi mo minsan maiiwasan yung reaction ng ibang tao.

A friend told me that what my guy and I have right now is beyond the norm of an ideal relationship or a typical one - the getting to know stage, the courtship stage, then the officially couple stage, sexy time and endless outpour of love and all that shit.

Ang sa akin lang, do we have to follow the norm? What if naging kayo because you simply like each other and you want to be with each other? Kahit walang ligawan. What if we are just creating our own love story in such a way na alam namin na tama, sakto, less drama, less cheesiness, less complication. At hindi kami sumusunod sa typical love story na nagligawan, na inlove, naging sila, lagi magkasama, na tipong parang telenovela sa telebisyon.

Kami ang nasa relationship, kaya kami din magpapatakbo neto, in such a way na alam namin tama at masaya. I don't know why other people were surprised because we don't say I love you's to each other. In my opinion, I don't think it's appropriate or normal na on the first three months in your relationship, you two are saying I love you na. Kasi love is not a one shot deal e, love is earned through time so I guess it's too premature for us to say I love you. Am i right??

But don't get me wrong, I like him very much, he's like a cherry on my ice cream, a sprinkle for my doughnut, a chocolate syrup for my waffles and we are taking things slowly. Kasi sa akin, mas okay yung magstart kami na relax lang then through time it will grow, the feelings will grow, kesa naman sa una sobrang love niyo isa't-isa - na para kayo si Romeo and Juliet na halos kayo lang ang tao sa mundong ibabaw na hindi kayo mabubuhay without your partner - tapos after noon, nagdedecline na yung feelings at mauuwi lang sa masaklap na Kris-James hiwalayan (all time fave talaga ang kris-james hiwalayan! woot!).

On sweetness.

A friend also told me I'm not daw sweet, I guess I'm not but I know myself, I know I'm sweet in my own little way.

Sweet na hindi hopeless romantic, sweet na hindi PDA na mushy na nakakasuka. Oh well, I tried to be open, so I asked my friend, so kung hindi ako sweet ano gagawin ko, that friend said:

1) Kiss him on the neck

reaction: what??? out of the blue? kiss sa neck?? hell no!

2) Kiss him then suddenly whisper "i love you" to his ear

reaction: oh-uh, that is sooooo not me, too hopeless romantic, eck! hindi ko kaya!!

3) Or utter the words like "thank you for coming into my life, for making me happy" bla bla bla

Gosh, I don't know, but I found those things overrated. Para bang sa isang brand na it's too commercialized. And I don't find it sweet, i guess it's boring.

Pero syempre, siguro magagawa ko yan pag one year na kami, pero like right now we are on our 3rd month, and trying to beat the three months milestone, i guess, again, and i'm saying it, it's too premature for us to do those stuffs. Tell me I'm wrong people but it's not really my thing. and I know it's not his thing too. We are just being practical, so why follow the norm, or follow what those romantic movies are telling us - seriously, those shits are polluting our mind.

yung mga line na "you are my sunshine after the rain" or mga "I can't live when living is with out you" - or ikanga sa Bulgarian Idol " Ken Lee (search niyo sa you-tube kung gusto niyo makarelate) lol. Yung tipong over sa chever-loo. Pwede naman na like niyo isa't-isa, nagtutulungan kayo bilang partner, nagtatawanan kayo, lumalamon together, nagaasaran, naghahampasan - pwede naman ganun diba? Pero bakit hindi nila mainitindihan, bakit daw hindi normal ang relationship namin? okay ganto na lang

OO NA ABNORMAL KAMI!!! bwahahah

random

I remember one quote that was posted from my friend's site last month, and here how it goes: " hindi lahat ng kaya mong intindihin ay totoo at ang hindi mo maintindihan ay kasinungalingan"

Dumating na ako sa point na ayoko na umintindi, yung tipong pagod na pagod ka na, na feeling mo isa kang kandila na unti-unting nauubos, tapos namamatay na siya, pero pinipilit mong sindihan ito. Gumagawa ka ng way para kahit ubos na yung kandila naroon pa din yung apoy. Kahit halos ubusin mo na ang lighter, o ang palito ng posposro o kahit ikiskis mo ang mga bato, mag apoy lang ang kandila, gagawin mo.

Pero alam mo sa sarili mo, paubos na ang kandila, kahit gamitin mo pa ang wax na nakapalibot sa katawan ni F. Marcos wala pa din mangyayari, mauubos at mauubos siya.

Alam mo naman sa sarili mo na ang gusto mo lang makasama siya - yun lang! mahirap ba yun??? mahirap bang gawin? mahirap bang intindihin???

Ano bang mahirap intindihin sa time? one word, four letters, pero bakit na-te-take for granted? at bakit nauso ang word na "take for granted" -- dati naman hindi ito nageexist, pero ngayon, bonggang bonggang gasgas na sa sitwasyon ng dalawang taong nag desisyon na pumasok sa isang konmplikadong mundo na tinatawag na lab. Overrate na nga yung katagang "take-for-granted" pero madalas pa din ginagamit ng mga kalalakihan, o minsan din ng mga babae. ewan ko ba, ang sarap kasi sa mga ego e, na alam mo na merong nagpaparaya, meron nagbibigay ng time, ng pagiintindi. Pero naisip ba nila na paano pag hindi na nila kaya gawin yung mga bagay na yun, ano gagawin mo? kaloka no? kasi iikot nanaman ang gulong, yung isa naman ang asa taas at yung isa naman na ang dati eh tumanggap ng love - ngayon siya naman ang nagpapraya. Bakit ganoon? hindi sila synchronized? dapat diba sabay? bakit salisi? ibig sabihin ba hindi talaga kayo para sa isat-isa upang mangyari eh salisi yung nararamdaman niyo?

Alam ko medyo wala ng sense ang mga sinasabi ko ngayon, nararamdaman ko na nagiging irational ako sa sitwasyon - may nagsabi nga sa akin, wag ko na lang daw ipilit ang hindi pwede para walang nasasaktan, nagpaparaya at wala nang mag-eexpect. Para hindi nakakasakit sa ulo, o nakakabuhol ng utak sa ulo.

Kasi nakikita ko na sarili ko na sa kakaisip, parang gusto mo na lang mag cartwheel, mag head stunt, mag harlem, mag split at magpagulong gulong sa sobrang labo ng sitwasyong ibabaw.

at ngayon tumatambling na ako kasi hindi ko alam kung papaano ko ito tatapusin. haha buset!!