As this day end

Every hour of this day made me so insane.... ayoko na = ( i really want to give-up . . ang sakit talaga . . wala akong mahanap na outlet to ease this fuckin' feeling of hurt and loneliness . . Kailangan ko ng tanggalin lahat ng magpapaalala sa kanya.. kailangan..

Haayy... why love fades so fast??? Bakit ganyan kayong mga guys???


Sobrang bitter ako ngayon, please, I need someone, someone who'll understand me, someone who will ease the pain. . .


Pagod na ako, pagod na ako mag mahal, pagod na akong maniwala, pagod na akong umasa, pagod na akong magisip, pagod na pagod na ako. . . kelan ba matatapos to.. yeah give me 2 days and i'll get through this fuckin' feelin!

The Art of Letting Go

From my Horoscope: Endings are tough, but every ending plants the seed of a new beginning. That may not make this any easier to swallow, but rest assured that you and your sweetie are destined for bigger and better things.

Well I am always wishing for the best for the both of us. I was just wishing that someday he will realize my worth. So sad as it may seem, I have to face the reality that we're really over. I have to face every single days with a happy heart and hoping that someday cupid will find someone for me, worthy of my time and my whole being. I hope I can do this. I know I deserve someone better. haayss..
Today is another day of letting someone go. Jay-em and Fernan, my lunch and kulitan buddies are leaving today. Jay-em finished his OJT while Fernan finished his contract. And now, I am alone again, goodbye my lunch buddies, goodbye my yosi buddies.. haayy I will surely miss you!!! I know you'll find your own path as I found mine. Wishing you all the best!!! **hugs hugs**

I heard lots of news about my ex.. and it hurt me xo xo xo damn much... haay.. I have nothing to do but ignore everything..

I"LL BE ALRIGHT!!!!! SOOONNNN!!! :D

+Can't think of Anything+

I have 3 pending articles, and I can't think of anything. I don't have the mood to write, I don't know why. That's my weakness, if I don't have any mood, I just can't think of any juicy words for my article. My mind is blank, I just can't think of any. My mind and body are so worn out now, and I admit I am still in the point of loneliness and heartaches. How I wish this will be over. i wanna end this, but I don't know how. I feel helpless . . . And I have no one to run to or anything. I still kept my promise to Dan that we will never share what we have agreed on something. We just wanted to make it privately for once. And I know, keeping it in silent kills me, I feel like I'm gonna burst it all out. But I don't know whom to run to. No one knows about my situation. Everybody thought that we're okay and we can settle this in the right time. If only they knew it... hah! WHY????

Anyway, so much for this.. I'll try to write something and be productive for this day... I feel hell.. haays..

~One Last Cry - how come love fades so fast?? =( ~

Monday morning of August 27 when I shed my last tears for Dan . . . I just can't believe that what I have dreamed before about his girlfriend "Emilia", is somewhat a warning for me that what am I pursuing will just crushed my heart and will make my heart breaks. My dream of a picture of him and together with a girl came true. . . And the most shocking part, "he does not love me that much" . . . The moment I heard it from his mouth, I was awaken from the reality that I am wasting my time thinking about him, caring for him and longing for him. It felt very unfair, for I am here, still loving him, while he is there playing around, searching for someone. . .

+my heart crushed+ and +I beg to him+but he was so confused+

I just can't believe that he forgot ALL the memories we have shared! From our food tripping, tulog moments, our kulitan, our inuman and yosi jammin, singing jologs songs together, coffee nights, the way I treated and loved his family, our mountain escapades, canlubang trips . . . everything that we did, it all lingers in my mind, but for him, all that left in his memories are the endless arguments that for me, we can learn something from it, but he views it as unhealthy, and he can't forget the pain that he experienced from me. Yes, I made a mistake . . . But I have done so many things to prove to him that I am so so sorry about it, and I am willing to change if he will give me another CHANCE! But he's pride is really killing me, and I have nothing to do but to GIVE-UP!!
(amphota! daig ko pa ang nanlalaki sa sakit na nadadama ko, sana nanloko na lang ako, parehas lang naman ang paghihirap eh!")

binigay ko sayo lahat.. alam mo yun! pero ayaw mo maniwala na binigay ko sa yo lahat! isipin mo kaya!!

+As hard as it may seem... I gave-up the fight+ I have nothing to do with it, I've done my part . . .+ (sob)

15 minutes after our conversation, the rain pours, as if the heavens is crying with me . . . I felt so weak and promise myself that I will never ever cry again with the same person. I let the mountain took my pain and heartaches . . . and thankfully, Mt. Batulao granted my wishes. I felt much better and relief that somehow, i believe that in the end of this tunnel there's a light that's waiting for me. I know there will be greater things along my way . . It's painful to think that everything's over (sayang talaga! kala ko may future kami together!) but I have to accept the reality that he ended it and I just gave-up.

+I have nothing to do, but everything proves me that all this time, he doesn't love me that much+

If you really love me, why your love fades so fast??? if you love truly, why you can easily moved on?? I know I can't have this answer anymore, and I don't want to know it actually... but that proves me that you really don't love me in the very first place. come to think of it!

I know I am in the stage of anger. . . I hope I may over come this... i know..

I am sorry.. pero hindi ko na kaya . . . mahal na mahal ko siya... pero aalis na ako...

+Okay talo nanaman ako dito sa tinatawag na "game of love" . . . sumugal ako.... pero natalo ang taya ko..+ haays... sana pag sumugal ako uli, sa ibang tao na..+

Letting go

You cannot erase the past; you must let it go.

You cannot change yesterday; you must accept the lessons learned.

You cannot stop time or stand still in a world racing around in circles;

you must dance with the wind and sing with the songs that are playing.

Let whatever mistakes you have made remain in the shadows of times gone by,

and let love be the answer to the mysteries of life.

~~ Author Unknown ~~

ain't no mountain high no!

Oh yeah, I have my hiking vacation on Saturday until Monday!!


Nature is best!


I love it I like it!!


Hoping for the best!!


God Bless us!!

hehe

A little bit of crazy

" Have you ever noticed that the more special you treat someone, the more that someone takes you for GRANTED?!? . . . It is like they think you won't ever change . . ."

They say when you love someone, you'll never get tired of loving them and especially you'll never get tired of doing anything for him. But what if you were taken for granted? Do you still willing to do anything knowing that you were taken for granted? I hate that feeling, when you love that person, and you want to do everything for him, just to be with him and see him that he's fine but you will notice that something's wrong of the "give-give" situation? But the worst feeling is though you're aware of it, you still tend to accept things and be thankful that at some point you'll see him needing you. A part of my self says that it is wrong, it is wrong of spoiling him and giving him much confident that i will always be here for him ready to help and catch him whenever he needs it; although a part of me wanted to continue those silliness because your rational thoughts is telling you that "It's okey, because you LOVE him",

Why love we're created? When all this stuff tends to hurt you in the end? Why loving so much means a greater sadness and risk? I once risked for love, but look what happened? I am now still sacrificing for a person to comeback. I know, I don't deserve this to wait too long, I know I have my life. But my life is so dull without the one you truly love! So even you know that you will get hurt, even you visioned that at the end of the road you'll never have him, you still continue this disillusionment of having him someday.

I always believe that love is a give-and-take process in order to work out a certain problem, or in order for relationship to work out. It takes two to tanggo, but how will the problems be solve, if the other one is the only one who's willing to solve and fix things? Maybe the other should take his part? Or maybe someone should end this? Yes, love is in deed a risk, and now I am starting to risk everything, to risk the feelings once blooms in my heart that stating to die little by little. I should start to stop the illusion of the love of never ending. I am truly tired of hoping and trying to do my best for love. Maybe I have to take a step of looking forward. Believing myself that there is a greater love that is waiting in the end of this journey when I started to forget my feelings for him. As I am writing this line, I can't imagine how it will end, I know it will take too long to heal my wound but I know someday, I'll be OVER HIM.. =(