A week after my graduation, I am back again in the adventurous, exciting and soul searching world of single life. Yes, my boyfriend and I broke up. I thought our relationship will be forever, but it turned out side down and it lasted with just one snap. You know, I loved him so much, and he was the only person I felt very comfortable to be with, something I discovered in my quest of love, and that is "contentment, comfort and future" . . Contentment, that I've never experienced with my past relationships; Comfort, that I never felt with those guys I met; and the Future - I made myself believe that we both have a future together. But everything falls to disappointment and pain, we're done, finished, end - it's like a movie with a sad endings. The scriptwriter end it all with a gray heart and sad longings.
Although it feels good to be single, I need someone that I can share of my joyful and painful moments, someone to call my own - my everything.
After we broke-up, I tried to pretend that he's nothing, that I am better off with-out him, I let myself to be happy even I'm really hell not. I tried to focus on anything, but most of my nights, my thoughts and myself started to lead back on loneliness and my sweet memories with him keeps lingering on my wildest thoughts. "Why it's so easy for him to forget everything??!" I bawled looking at the shining moon outside my window. In that moment, I felt that the world is so unfair, the world is against me in the game of love. I remember the last time I wished on the star for someone to come in my life, and it was granted, but he went away like a breeze of a cold wind. My solidarity made me more weaker and helpless of longing more on his presence. I missed everything about him; the way he stroke my hair, the way he puts his arms around me, his pouting lips, his stare, his sweet utters, his family and the best feeling when he hold my hands and of course the warmth welcome from his family. Everything about him is what I truly miss. And those things kept on hunting my thoughts almost every minute of my life. Sometimes, I wish I caught an accident to be fallen to amnesia and forget all the stuffs about him. Even I always believe myself that everything is over, but my mind suffers from the sweet memories we had. I really desperately want him back, but I cannot see it from him. How unfair things are when I see him being happy with his friends. Why I can't see it to his eyes that he feels the way I suffer? Is he just pretending or he doesn't care at all?
Although I am aware of the balance of nature; when you failed on love, you'll surely becomes successful in your career. And yes, I am indeed successful with my career, but that success is useless without him, it is so vague when no one to share of your success. And right now, I don't know why life is like this, it feels mystery and full of surprises yet its painful and hopeful. I am now trying to fly, to move forward from this heartache, and I know it will takes time to heal every wound that caused my past. I am trying to move on, and focus myself that life is indeed beautiful with pain. Oh God, please help, I really want this loneliness to be over!
Although it feels good to be single, I need someone that I can share of my joyful and painful moments, someone to call my own - my everything.
After we broke-up, I tried to pretend that he's nothing, that I am better off with-out him, I let myself to be happy even I'm really hell not. I tried to focus on anything, but most of my nights, my thoughts and myself started to lead back on loneliness and my sweet memories with him keeps lingering on my wildest thoughts. "Why it's so easy for him to forget everything??!" I bawled looking at the shining moon outside my window. In that moment, I felt that the world is so unfair, the world is against me in the game of love. I remember the last time I wished on the star for someone to come in my life, and it was granted, but he went away like a breeze of a cold wind. My solidarity made me more weaker and helpless of longing more on his presence. I missed everything about him; the way he stroke my hair, the way he puts his arms around me, his pouting lips, his stare, his sweet utters, his family and the best feeling when he hold my hands and of course the warmth welcome from his family. Everything about him is what I truly miss. And those things kept on hunting my thoughts almost every minute of my life. Sometimes, I wish I caught an accident to be fallen to amnesia and forget all the stuffs about him. Even I always believe myself that everything is over, but my mind suffers from the sweet memories we had. I really desperately want him back, but I cannot see it from him. How unfair things are when I see him being happy with his friends. Why I can't see it to his eyes that he feels the way I suffer? Is he just pretending or he doesn't care at all?
Although I am aware of the balance of nature; when you failed on love, you'll surely becomes successful in your career. And yes, I am indeed successful with my career, but that success is useless without him, it is so vague when no one to share of your success. And right now, I don't know why life is like this, it feels mystery and full of surprises yet its painful and hopeful. I am now trying to fly, to move forward from this heartache, and I know it will takes time to heal every wound that caused my past. I am trying to move on, and focus myself that life is indeed beautiful with pain. Oh God, please help, I really want this loneliness to be over!
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