A writer under the sun

"After all that we've been through?! It seems that it's nothing to you??" I said to Dhan, as my voice is shaking for I was trying to control myself to cry. We were in a dark room, and I was standing in front of him with pieces of pictures on my right hand. "I'm sorry, it's all your fault, I already have a girlfriend. . . it's Emilia" He replied, I stared at him, I looked on his eyes for I am trying to find out if he's telling the truth, but he never even look back. i realized that I was holding a pictures of someone I don't know. I hurriedly scanned the blurry pictures and I saw him and his new girlfriend together. . . .

+++alarming+++ Woah! I was awaken by a loud alarm of my cellphone. It's 7 o'clock in the morning. I sat on my bed, trying to compose myself from a drastic sleep. "Phew! that's depressing, good thing it was just a dream" I said to myself, trying to analyze and asses my dreams. "Why I have to dream like that? Does dreams come true, what do you mean by that??" I said in fear, crossing my fingers and hoping that it will never come true. i hope that Emilia will never exist! or any girl exists! haha how pathetic.

It was 15 minutes after 7 o'clock, so I stood-up and went to the bathroom. I don't know why I felt really tired, it was as if I traveled from far places. *what a day*

Back to reality: Today I have an interview with Councilor Rudy Sese in Makati City hall at 10 o'clock, regarding Character Building Foundation. After that, at 12 o'clock in the afternoon, I have an interview with Ms. Connie Angeles of SM Foundation. Well I'm not that excited, it is just like the other interview that I have encountered. For me, it is just another day of work.

The sun is striking where my body begins to sweat, really it's really hot, and my dream still lingering on my head trying to think of anything. I still miss my boyfriend. I do miss him, sometimes I can't help myself but sigh when I saw significant places I've been when I was with him. Memories keeps flowing again on my mind. Darn, I really hate this feeling, "when will it stop! I really want to end this kind of feeling!", "enough sara, enough from hoping, it won't help you, focus focus focus". So, on my way to Makati Ave. I started jotting the interview guides for Councilor Sese; "I wonder what he looks like?" You know what I want about my job? By meeting different kind of people, you'll learned a lot from them.

The moment I arrived in the Makati City Hall, I went straight ahead to the 20th floor (to where the councilor's office is) and do you know what happened?!? He totally forgot about the interview! And he was in the meeting that time. So what I did, I reschedule it in the afternoon. Then I hurriedly went to my other work for Connie's interview, while I'm on my way to Buendia, my Boss texted me that the interview of Ms. Connie was canceled!! so what now? I'm in the middle of the road, trying to think where on earth am I going now! I went to my other office in Peh Burgos, to sort some things and wait until the 3pm interview for Councilor Sese . .

+During the interview+
An old, snobbish man, with soar throat - I shook his hand and starts the interview. During the interview, while I was asking him, he was smoking in an air-conditioned room, and the smoke's direction is leading on me. FYI We were talking about values formation.

The interview finished shortly, because while we were talking, he was doing some paper works, and he answers so shooorrttt.. so I ended it, and giving him my best best smile. "thank you for your time sir" he just nodded.... and out... I wanna go out, really...

I was supposed to meet Mike in MOA, but I changed my mind, instead I went home straight and rest. It was a loooonnnggg marathon day! ciao!

Entering another journey of a single working girl

A week after my graduation, I am back again in the adventurous, exciting and soul searching world of single life. Yes, my boyfriend and I broke up. I thought our relationship will be forever, but it turned out side down and it lasted with just one snap. You know, I loved him so much, and he was the only person I felt very comfortable to be with, something I discovered in my quest of love, and that is "contentment, comfort and future" . . Contentment, that I've never experienced with my past relationships; Comfort, that I never felt with those guys I met; and the Future - I made myself believe that we both have a future together. But everything falls to disappointment and pain, we're done, finished, end - it's like a movie with a sad endings. The scriptwriter end it all with a gray heart and sad longings.

Although it feels good to be single, I need someone that I can share of my joyful and painful moments, someone to call my own - my everything.

After we broke-up, I tried to pretend that he's nothing, that I am better off with-out him, I let myself to be happy even I'm really hell not. I tried to focus on anything, but most of my nights, my thoughts and myself started to lead back on loneliness and my sweet memories with him keeps lingering on my wildest thoughts. "Why it's so easy for him to forget everything??!" I bawled looking at the shining moon outside my window. In that moment, I felt that the world is so unfair, the world is against me in the game of love. I remember the last time I wished on the star for someone to come in my life, and it was granted, but he went away like a breeze of a cold wind. My solidarity made me more weaker and helpless of longing more on his presence. I missed everything about him; the way he stroke my hair, the way he puts his arms around me, his pouting lips, his stare, his sweet utters, his family and the best feeling when he hold my hands and of course the warmth welcome from his family. Everything about him is what I truly miss. And those things kept on hunting my thoughts almost every minute of my life. Sometimes, I wish I caught an accident to be fallen to amnesia and forget all the stuffs about him. Even I always believe myself that everything is over, but my mind suffers from the sweet memories we had. I really desperately want him back, but I cannot see it from him. How unfair things are when I see him being happy with his friends. Why I can't see it to his eyes that he feels the way I suffer? Is he just pretending or he doesn't care at all?

Although I am aware of the balance of nature; when you failed on love, you'll surely becomes successful in your career. And yes, I am indeed successful with my career, but that success is useless without him, it is so vague when no one to share of your success. And right now, I don't know why life is like this, it feels mystery and full of surprises yet its painful and hopeful. I am now trying to fly, to move forward from this heartache, and I know it will takes time to heal every wound that caused my past. I am trying to move on, and focus myself that life is indeed beautiful with pain. Oh God, please help, I really want this loneliness to be over!