What is the source of what couples fight about? Why are some couples fighting all the time and seem to always be fighting in their relationship? What is the source of their verbal disagreements in marriage and relationship fights? Is it just a difference of opinion, an unwillingness to compromise, does it stem from a previous hurt, do their quarrels reflect stubborn, bullheaded, obstinate attitudes, or do the fights stem from arrogant pride or stubborn selfishness?
The answer is that relationship fights in marriage come in many forms and there could be a multitude of factors that fuel the couples fights and arguments. Have you ever lied? If you answered no to that question, you probably have an issue with pride and honesty. Many couples have difficulties because they never take the time to do any self introspection, it’s always the other guys fault. In your marriage, have you ever had a fight with your husband or wife because you selfishly wanted something? Where you were totally focusing on what you wanted, fighting to obtain your own desire?
The couples who fight about things in an argument are trying to reach a particular outcome. The question is; what is the source of the desire within them that is causing their marital arguments and relationship fights? The next time you are in an argument, stop and ask yourself; what am I fighting for? What am I trying to get out of this disagreement? Then ask yourself, am I being honest and upfront, or am I being dishonest with my wife or husband? (Boyfriend or Girlfriend). We first need to be honest with ourselves before we can be honest in our relationships with others. So then, get rid of lies. Speak the truth to each other, because we are all members of the same body. Ephesians 4:25
A liar provokes an argument, and pride and selfishness take fighting to the limits. Think about that, sometimes we just do not want to accept the truth, so we remain dishonest even to ourselves. We want to remain in the bubble that says we don’t have any flaws and never make mistakes. That’s called denial, people are dishonest because they do not want to take ownership of their blemishes, (pride), they are seeking a selfish outcome, and/or they do not want to be held accountable for their own behaviors, (irresponsibility). There is another element to this, deep down a person knows that if they accept their flaws and they admit their mistakes, that there is something inside of them that needs to change. A persons pride can make it quite hard for them to go take a really good look in the mirror, and that is a big reason for the arguments and fighting between many couples in marriage relationships. Rebellion is as sinful as witchcraft, and stubbornness as bad as worshiping idols. 1 Samuel 15:23
As humans we all struggle with pride and selfishness, we all have been hurt by others, and so we need to be more observant of our own natures. With that being true, we also need to make allowances in our relationships, and marriages, for our spouses or partners. There comes a point during an argument that you will realize that, even though you know the truth, and your wife or husband knows the truth, that they are not going to admit it. There is a time to let things go, to quit being so hard on your spouse, and to stop fighting with them. Love overlooks issues and allows room for growth. People won’t change until they accept and realize that it’s their own limitations that are holding them down. You can not force your partner to change, you can make your points without instigating a relationship fight, and you can do it in an calm mature manner. When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. Proverbs 11:2
In marriage relationships two people can have difference of opinions and disagree without fighting. Just because two people dispute something does not always mean that either of them are right or that either of them are wrong. In fact, it is entirely possible that a disagreement forms out of two peoples misconceptions. Often times people are trying to win an argument just for the sake of winning, one may win a fight, but in the end, the relationship loses. Arguments are a choice, instead of fighting you have an opportunity to love, and an opportunity to learn how to compromise. Starting a quarrel is [like] opening a floodgate, so stop before the argument gets out of control. Proverbs 17:14
Many couples have arguments and relationship fights over money. Many end up in divorce because of it. At the beginning of your marriage you each say those three words, "I love you", and then you turn on a dime for the money honey! Money can control you and your relationship if you allow it too. If a couple is fighting over money, then one or both of them are being selfish. For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also. (Matthew 6:21). For the love of money is a root of all sorts of evil, and some by longing for it have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs. 1 Timothy 6:10
The next time you get into a marriage argument, maintain your composure, keep your cool and remain calm. Do not allow your emotions to rule you, and begin to ask yourself these questions; What is the fight really about? Are you fighting to obtain a selfish desire? Are you fighting to avoid the pain deep within you? Are you fighting to cover up a wrong you have committed? Do you have to be right in the relationship disagreement? Can you resolve the argument with compromise? Is the relationship fight more about you than your partner? What is this fight doing for my marriage relationship? Are you fighting to hold onto something so you don’t have to change your character?
"What leads to strife, discord and feud, and how do conflicts, quarrels and fighting originate among you? They arise from your own selfish and sinful desires that are always at war inside you. You are jealous and covet what others have and your desires go unfulfilled; You burn with envy and anger and aren’t able to obtain the gratification you seek, so you fight and war… James 4:1-2
