06-12-02 - Pops, we miss you..

You never know how much you are still missed. . . Praying for your soul. RIP popsie.

Game of Chance

A fiction story

By Sara Susanne D. Fabunan

Dark, smoky room. I was sitting in a chair facing him across a round table. The lamp hanging on the ceiling is the only light in this gloomy room. The air was filled with smoke which made my eyes become fuzzy and teary. It was a one–on-one card game…

As I was holding my cards, I stared steadily on the player, examining what’s on his mind and which card he will reveal to intimidate me.

He looked at me, smirking. Is he just bluffing? I asked myself. I did not blink and kept staring at him steadily. He looked so relaxed while holding his cards.

Then the dealer showed the first three decks of cards. My hands started to sweat, my heart beat faster for I know I’m going to lose this game. Sara, just bluff, just bluff, pretend that you’re okay… pretend that you have a say on this fight. I reached for my cigarette and puffed it hardly until the smoke reached my entire lungs, inhaling the smoke and its nicotine as if I were living my last day.

“Am I going to risk it all?” I asked myself silently as I displayed a poker face.

“You know what, Sara? I really want you to win this game… but I’m too selfish. I want to win,” he said with a look of mockery in his eyes.

I puffed my cigarette and threw its butt on the ashtray then I looked at him again, trying to act cool. I know myself. For the moment I sat on this chair, the moment we begin this game, I decided to accept what will happen and enjoy the ride and eventually risk all my cards. I am sure as hell that I want this game, win or lose.

However, fear crept unto me when I saw that he is just playing around. He is just not ready to risk all of his cards… oh yeah, he’s playing it safe, I said while studying his moves.

“If I bet it all, will you bet it all?” I asked him for the last time. His face turned red and became more serious. I was shaking, for I know his answer.

Then the dealer revealed another card that will complete the four decks of cards. I closed my left fists upon seeing the decks and accepted that I’m going to lose this game.

I bet all of my chips. Nothing left. What the hell. He did the same thing as I did for he had no choice.

Then slowly we both showed our cards. As what I have expected, I lost the game…

I am about to cry, but I don’t want to show my weakest spot, as soon as he got his chips, I stood up and headed towards the exit door. I guess there’s no need for me to stay. I guess I gave my best shot…

Even though I left the room with a heavy heart, I know someday, somehow, somewhere over a beautiful rainbow, I will soon win the game.

Pitiful for the both of us for neither of us won. For in reality, we are both losers on this game called love…

Squeak and Meow

Two months and counting :)

All about A.

The Day that WAS

It was supposed to be our first year anniversary to-die (today). Anyway, sometimes, things comes to an end. But since it's our supposed "the-day", a tribute to A my ex. We rarely take pictures. These are like stolen shots during our whatever-night-out. I don't know where are the other pictures. lol. Anyway, thanks for the memories. Happy 19.

questions

Sa totoo lang, ang dami kong tanong sa isip ko, pero ayoko na lang isipin or hanapin.... bahala na, i guess time will tell... and time will tell me which way to go...

I am again in the process of rebuilding and knowing myself again.. In some ways, I'm kinda lost but then kahit ganito yung na-fi-feel ko, nagpapatuloy lang ako. Kasi minsan pwede ko mahanap yung sagot sa paglalakad ko...

If someone let you feel you are less of a person, will you let them?

If love is the sweetest thing that God has created, how come there is pain and heartaches?

Fate or free will?

How come despite of having everything, you still want more?

Everybody wants to feel loved, to be needed with words of affirmation, how come you feel like no one ever does that to you?

Is there any love if he can't accept your flaws?

How would you know if he loves you?

Why am I here?

Haggardness

Our first pictures together at haggard pa ang mga itsura namin! amp! ang ganda ng boyfriend ko, nakakapanliit. amp! I hate it when I look ewan during that night, ewan ko ba, I'm not kasi in my party-mode ehh, tamad-mode ako.

Petty fights

Petty, means of small importance; trivial. Secondary in importance or rank;

Fight, means to engage in a quarrel

Petty Fights is a hobby that a girl used to do when they feel bored over a perfect relationship with her boyfriend.

"Sometimes we need some spice to make our relationship work," - fabulous

RELATIONSHIP FIGHTS, COUPLES FIGHTING, ARGUMENTS and DISAGREEMENTS

By Guide

What is the source of what couples fight about? Why are some couples fighting all the time and seem to always be fighting in their relationship? What is the source of their verbal disagreements in marriage and relationship fights? Is it just a difference of opinion, an unwillingness to compromise, does it stem from a previous hurt, do their quarrels reflect stubborn, bullheaded, obstinate attitudes, or do the fights stem from arrogant pride or stubborn selfishness?

The answer is that relationship fights in marriage come in many forms and there could be a multitude of factors that fuel the couples fights and arguments. Have you ever lied? If you answered no to that question, you probably have an issue with pride and honesty. Many couples have difficulties because they never take the time to do any self introspection, it’s always the other guys fault. In your marriage, have you ever had a fight with your husband or wife because you selfishly wanted something? Where you were totally focusing on what you wanted, fighting to obtain your own desire?

The couples who fight about things in an argument are trying to reach a particular outcome. The question is; what is the source of the desire within them that is causing their marital arguments and relationship fights? The next time you are in an argument, stop and ask yourself; what am I fighting for? What am I trying to get out of this disagreement? Then ask yourself, am I being honest and upfront, or am I being dishonest with my wife or husband? (Boyfriend or Girlfriend). We first need to be honest with ourselves before we can be honest in our relationships with others. So then, get rid of lies. Speak the truth to each other, because we are all members of the same body. Ephesians 4:25

A liar provokes an argument, and pride and selfishness take fighting to the limits. Think about that, sometimes we just do not want to accept the truth, so we remain dishonest even to ourselves. We want to remain in the bubble that says we don’t have any flaws and never make mistakes. That’s called denial, people are dishonest because they do not want to take ownership of their blemishes, (pride), they are seeking a selfish outcome, and/or they do not want to be held accountable for their own behaviors, (irresponsibility). There is another element to this, deep down a person knows that if they accept their flaws and they admit their mistakes, that there is something inside of them that needs to change. A persons pride can make it quite hard for them to go take a really good look in the mirror, and that is a big reason for the arguments and fighting between many couples in marriage relationships. Rebellion is as sinful as witchcraft, and stubbornness as bad as worshiping idols. 1 Samuel 15:23

As humans we all struggle with pride and selfishness, we all have been hurt by others, and so we need to be more observant of our own natures. With that being true, we also need to make allowances in our relationships, and marriages, for our spouses or partners. There comes a point during an argument that you will realize that, even though you know the truth, and your wife or husband knows the truth, that they are not going to admit it. There is a time to let things go, to quit being so hard on your spouse, and to stop fighting with them. Love overlooks issues and allows room for growth. People won’t change until they accept and realize that it’s their own limitations that are holding them down. You can not force your partner to change, you can make your points without instigating a relationship fight, and you can do it in an calm mature manner. When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. Proverbs 11:2

In marriage relationships two people can have difference of opinions and disagree without fighting. Just because two people dispute something does not always mean that either of them are right or that either of them are wrong. In fact, it is entirely possible that a disagreement forms out of two peoples misconceptions. Often times people are trying to win an argument just for the sake of winning, one may win a fight, but in the end, the relationship loses. Arguments are a choice, instead of fighting you have an opportunity to love, and an opportunity to learn how to compromise. Starting a quarrel is [like] opening a floodgate, so stop before the argument gets out of control. Proverbs 17:14

Many couples have arguments and relationship fights over money. Many end up in divorce because of it. At the beginning of your marriage you each say those three words, "I love you", and then you turn on a dime for the money honey! Money can control you and your relationship if you allow it too. If a couple is fighting over money, then one or both of them are being selfish. For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also. (Matthew 6:21). For the love of money is a root of all sorts of evil, and some by longing for it have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs. 1 Timothy 6:10

The next time you get into a marriage argument, maintain your composure, keep your cool and remain calm. Do not allow your emotions to rule you, and begin to ask yourself these questions; What is the fight really about? Are you fighting to obtain a selfish desire? Are you fighting to avoid the pain deep within you? Are you fighting to cover up a wrong you have committed? Do you have to be right in the relationship disagreement? Can you resolve the argument with compromise? Is the relationship fight more about you than your partner? What is this fight doing for my marriage relationship? Are you fighting to hold onto something so you don’t have to change your character?

"What leads to strife, discord and feud, and how do conflicts, quarrels and fighting originate among you? They arise from your own selfish and sinful desires that are always at war inside you. You are jealous and covet what others have and your desires go unfulfilled; You burn with envy and anger and aren’t able to obtain the gratification you seek, so you fight and war… James 4:1-2